In elementary school, before Pokemon, I had a Tamagochi. If you don’t remember Tamagochis, you probably didn’t grow up in the 90s or you were a home-schooled weirdo a la Cady Heron.
We weren’t allowed to bring our Tamagochis to school (for good reasons). I was addicted to mine, and every day when I left for school I was sad to leave it home. Whenever I got home, it was dead. Here are the ways in which my Tamagochi would die:
1. It shit itself to death
Sometimes, my Tamagochi would just keep pooping. I have no idea why. It wasn’t like I was feeding it or giving it water. At some point, it would have pooped so much, that the screen was full, and it died from the toxic fumes. I always wondered what was going through my Tamagochi’s mind as it shit itself to death. It was probably thinking of these things.
2. It would starve itself
I wasn’t there to feed it. I WASN’T THERE. Tamagochis don’t know how to walk to their little Tamagochi fridges. THEY’RE JUST KIDS FOR GODAMN SAKE. They don’t know how to cook. I starved it to death (or should I blame it on the school system?).
I miss my Tamagochi. I gave it away along with all of my Pokemon cards. WORST. DECISION. EVER. At least I still have Pokemon Red and Yellow to get me through my days of boredom.
